Day 6: Confession #6 “PREPARATION, Anticipation and CONSTIPATION” part 2

picking up where I left off from yesterday’s post,  Confession #5…I forgot to mention that anyone, who is slightly controlling, anal, or neurotic, or strives to be, should definitely register for a video monitor. I did, and it rules my life. No really, Brandon and I used to sleep our daughter on the couch (don’t worry, she never rolled), and we would set up the video camera to watch her while we were in the same room. We were so paranoid that we wanted to watch (on camera) her little chest going up and down even though we were in the same room and could have walked over and put our finger to her mouth and nose (we did that too, btw). Wow, we are nut jobs. I would love to say it is any better now, but it’s not. I have it on both of my kids and relentlessly watch them everyday. I actually plan to have the camera on them until they are in highschool. Not sure if that is legal…but I am law-breaker anyway. Bottom line: If you are like me, you NEED one. If you’re not, you might become me if you get one.

Birthing classes
With my first, I had a private Doctor (Dr. Michael Burman) who had delivery rights at Sutter Memorial in Sacramento. Because we were new, neurotic parents we signed up for their “Ready, Set, Deliver Childbirth Preparation Class” which is an “information packed childbirth preparation (includes breathing and relaxation techniques) series (6 classes), which prepares the mother and her support person for labor, delivery, and postpartum experiences.” I absolutely think as a first time parent you should attend this class (neurotic or not), and maybe the “breastfeeding” class too (it is not as easy as you would think). Although, we ended up playing hooky on the last class, because the day before, we found out with certainty, that I had to have a c-section. So, breathing on a ball in precarious positions in dim lighting was no longer needed (I will save that for a Focker reunion). Instead, it was slice and dice time. Thankfully, they did show a c-section video in a previous class. Wowza was it nasty, I now had a grim outlook on my future. I am sure I will tell my delivery stories in a different post. Bottom line: Take the class. This is the closest you will get to a manual people.

Sex..what is that?
My husband, as many, had some warped view that all pregnant women want to hump like rabbits all day long. Now, I know this does happen for some (some freakishly lucky biotches), but my guess is that no one is really telling you when they are not. I think we, as humans, think a sign of a healthy marriage/relationship is when you are having lots and lots of S-E-X (we spell out taboo words in our family), so to tell people you are not, means something is wrong with you and your marriage/relationship. Well, I am calling you on your bluff. When you are prego and huge (everywhere) and exhausted from hugging the bowl, and the ice cream carton, the last thing you want to do is put back in the thing that got you there in the first place. I mean, am I right? Didn’t anyone else think that the thing was going to cause permanent damage to the babies head? Not to mention you are backed up from the constipation (this I never experienced..I had great prenatals with a stool softener in it), the last thing you would want to do is rupture that volcano. My hats off to anyone who was/is/are having lots of S-E-X while prego, maybe we should conduct a follow-up study on the happiness of your relationships.

to be continued…


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