Day 22: Confession #22 “Never Say, Never!”

Honestly, I think out of all the clicheique phrases there are in this world, this is by far the most forthright! This becomes especially true, after you have children. Years ago, on my pimped out “MySpace” page (yeah, remember those?) with Britney Spears “Circus” song blaring, my quote read “never say, never”. I changed it from some alcohol related one prior to realizing that once I had a child, I had become the biggest hypocrite to ever walk the earth… really. It all started when I was a teenager, and I would tell my mom and all my friends that I would be the coolest parent who allows their kid to do, whatever they want, whenever they want, buy them all the designer clothes they want and never give them a curfew. Yeah, right would I do any of these things, now. Shit, I won’t even spend over $5 on one article of children’s clothing (unless for a special occasion). If it is not on the Target sales rack, Gap Kids sales rack (with an additional 40% off), or at a second-hand shop, then forget about it. Yes, mom, you can say “I told you so”! The buck doesn’t stop there. I think for the sake of impact, I will list out all my “I will never” hypocrisies here…

*Note: These are not in any particular order

I Will Never…

  1. breastfeed without a hooter hider in public
  2. change a diaper, especially one filled with poo, while my child is standing up
  3. buy generic diapers (only the best for my little one)
  4. be so anal with sleep schedules (Besties, go ahead and laugh)!
  5. allow my child to eat fast food before they can ask for it
  6. take them to Disneyland before they can remember it ( I thought at 5-years old)
  7. not wear high heels everyday, or wear closed-toe flats
  8. not listen to rap music (honestly, now I can barely stand it)
  9. give empty threats (if you do that one more time…)
  10. allow my car to look like a goldfish aquarium
  11. put a t.v. in my childs room (in my defense, it is only for VHS movies)
  12. make people eat dinner at 4 pm to accommodate my child’s bedtime
  13. not dye my hair
  14. be a stay-at-home mom
  15. feed my child without a bib
  16. let them rule my life
  17. justify their poor behavior
  18. leave the house without makeup
  19. gain over 40 pounds while pregnant
  20. give my child something else for dinner just because they didn’t like what I was serving
  21. use the buckle-strap thingy on the changing pad
  22. feed my baby formula
  23. let my child eat food that fell on the ground (beyond the 3-second rule)
  24. talk on my cell phone at the park with my child
  25. let my child have a pacifier after 2 1/2 years of age (at least it is only when she sleeps)

Somethings, I have kept my word on: I will never

  1. have unpainted toe nails
  2. spank my child (although I can see why people do)
  3. make any food forbidden (If you haven’t read “Child of Mine“, you should)
  4. talk to my baby, like a baby

As you can see, the things” I have kept my word on” list, is much smaller. Having a child, seriously rocks your world. You will go back on your word so many times you might even consider running for office. But you know what, it is okay… as long as you can admit it and it doesn’t harm anyone, right? If nothing else, it gives your friends and family something to make fun of you for. We all secretly want that…NOT!

So, please remember next time you observe some parenting act that you think to yourself, “gosh, I would never do that”, think again, my friend. That is, unless, you want to join me in hypocrite corner, with my tail between my legs, a crow in my mouth, and dunce cap on my head. Trust me, it aint a pretty site!

p.s. you should really read yesterday’s “Competition” post too. I realize it was a big family, sports day, but it goes right in line with this way of thinking. I guarantee, you never thought you would feel jealousy over someone elses childs first tooth, step or solid poop!

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8 thoughts on “Day 22: Confession #22 “Never Say, Never!”

  1. So I did a little viral advertising for you today… I do hope you continue beyond the 31 days of confessions. You have a gift for sharing the “real” nature of parenting. Love it!!

  2. My biggest “never” was/is “i would never use one of those child leash things” boy-howdy that is the best thing ever with my kiddo, she loves “teddy tether”

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