Lately, I have not been winning any “Mother of the Year” awards. Quite frankly, I think I am wavering the award for “Most Checked Out Mom” instead. I really do Love my children. Not just because I have to, but because I love who they are [mostly] and the feeling I get when I get to look them in the eye – I truly cherish those brief, but, powerful moments. I want to improve my moments with my children. I want to not constantly say, “in a minute”, “not now”, “I have to make dinner”, or “I will have a tea party with you tomorrow.” I think a misconception people have when they hear you are ‘stay-at-home-mom’ or how I refer to myself on paper, a “domestic engineer”, is that we have all the time in the world to play with our children. I mean, we aren’t working. Wrong. We are working, just not at a desk, and instead of office hours of 9 to 5, we are like a convenience store open 24/7.
To make matters worse for myself, I am a type A, OCD-er. I am one of those mom’s who constantly cleans up after their children… literally. I am like a handheld vacuum following them around, just waiting for the moment they set a toy down, so I can immediately suck it up and place it back into its respected bin. Crazy… neurotic…yes! I am sure if you have been to my house for a playdate, you can attest. However, lately, I find myself letting more and more rejected toys sit out – I have been ignoring the snail trail my son’s drool leaves behind as he crawls along the hardwood floors. I mean, what’s the point, they are just going to get more of them out anyway and he will just smear his bodily fluids all over the floor again. If I am going to allow for this, then maybe I should stop wiping my daughters butt after she poops, since she is just going to crap again. My favorite analogy, btw. Like everything in life, I need balance. Balance the time I spend doing household chores, blogging, cooking, etc. to allow more time to play. Play,with my children, and my friends. I want to do better at doing, all it is I should be doing, in a day, so I have more time to enjoy my day.
I don’t want to deny playing dress-up with my daughter, or just ‘plop’ my son down in front of a new spot on the rug and hand him a bin of toys, hoping to buy enough time to do the dishes from lunch so I can make dinner. I don’t want to have a bitter scowl on my face when my husband arrives home from work. I want to make better use of my time through, organization, schedules, meal planning, etc….all of which I will be doing throughout this journey.
I guess, this a multi-post topic that I will have to dissect later. It started out as a post about “play”, but I realized in order to even play, I have to balance. There you have it. I guess, I will play tomorrow. Oy vey.